How to really listen to someone

Really listening to someone can make a world of a difference. This is how to:

• Give them your full attention Take away distractions, like your phone, so you can focus on what they’re saying.
• Stay calm and patient Let silences happen. It’s okay if it feels a bit awkward. Sometimes people need time to find the right words.
• Show that you’re listening Nod, make eye contact, use short responses, like “I hear you” or “That sounds really hard”.
• Don’t judge or rush to fix things Avoid comments like “It’s not that bad” or “You just need to…”.
• Ask open questions Invite them to share more: “How long have you felt this way?” or “What helps you when it gets hard?” or “How do you feel when that happens?”
• Accept their emotions Even if it’s hard to hear, try to stay with their feeling instead of changing the subject or cheering them up.
• Check what they need from you Sometimes they just need to talk. Other times they may want help finding support. Ask: “Would you like me to just listen, or help you look for help?”
• Take care of yourself, too If you’ve had an intense conversation, you might need to decompress. Talk to someone you trust, but try to avoid things you’ve promised to keep private.