How to talk to someone about suicide
The 4 steps
Are you afraid someone in your surroundings is thinking about suicide? Then it is important to talk about it. It might not feel like an easy topic for you. Here you can find some tips on how to start the conversation, what to say and what not to say.
- Show your concern
- Ask the question
- Listen, show empathy
- Get help together
1.How to start the conversation
Begin by connecting first. Start a conversation and tell them you are worried. Tell them what you see. Like:- I’ve noticed you seem a lot quieter than usual lately
- I’ve noticed you’ve been cancelling plans and keeping to yourself
- I’ve noticed it’s been hard for you to focus in class lately
- I heard you say “I’m tired of everything” a few times this week
- I’m seeing a lot on your plate and it looks really heavy right now
2.After this genuine opening, you start the conversation about suicide. Research has shown that this does not increase risk.
How to ask about suicide:- Do you ever think about suicide?
- Do you ever think: I don’t want to keep going like this?
- Do you ever think: Life doesn’t do it for me anymore?
- You don’t really want to die, do you?
- You’re not gonna do some crazy/silly things right?
- Do you know how much this is hurting me?
3.What do you do when someone tells you they are thinking about suicide or they don’t want to live anymore?
- Listen without judgement
- Keep asking
- Show empathy for someone’s feeling
- Have you thought about how you would do it?
- Do you have access to the means right now?
- Are you think about doing this today or soon?
- Stay with them
- Take away the means (if safe)
- Activate emergency help (912 ambulance, 911 police or fire)
- Trying to fix it yourself
- Promising you’ll keep it a secret
- Carrying it alone; talk about it with a trusted person
4.Get help together at the doctor, psychologist or 113.
- Urgent: 912 (ambulance)
- To talk (up to 25): 918
- Long term help: contact the doctor (dòkter di kas/huisarts) to get a referral for a psychologist
What more can you do? Make a safety plan
In a safety plan, you answer the next questions:
Warning signs, how do I notice it’s getting worse
Things I can do on my own to feel safer/calmer
Places/people for company and distraction
People I can talk to about how I’m doing
Professionals & services I can contact
How do I make my surroundings safer?
My crisis commitment
Here you can find the fillable safety plan
(download link naar het veiligheidsplan, PDF staat in de map)
113 (Netherlands) has a Dutch training about suicide prevention, if you want to learn more. You can choose the one for speaking with youth (12 -25) or adults.
https://vraagmaar.113.nl/ (knop?)
Take care of yourself!
It might be really hard to see someone you love struggle and it can make you worry a lot. Don’t make it about you, but do take care of yourself: talk to someone you trust and get support if you need.
Click here for more tips (button naar how to take care of yourself when you are worried about your loved one)
Tips
